Wheat Germ's Medicine Bag

Working on Grave Times. I'm on a roll again, after lazing about all week. @_@ But I think I've hit upon a good thing. I think my new updates to this chapter include both a good measure of Tessa's character, as well as a bit of atmospheric sadness.

Still, I'm really liking how she's coming out in this chapter. Makes me eager to get her interacting with Larissa in this rewrite XD (Their interactions are just plain fun.)

Urf, I need a haircut! @_@ It's so long and thick and gets tangled so easily. I haven't had a haircut since May 2010, before I left for ACE, now that I think about it.

It's just hard to comb through, no matter how much conditioner I put in when I shower.

I guess I'll have to ask the Birthday Fairy, though, since my mom won't help me with anything I need anymore, and I don't like asking my stepmother or father for anything anyway. (My dad and stepmother usually say "yes" if I ask for something, but I don't take advantage of it often. Maybe once a year or so, if it's something I need badly. But since I take up enough of their money anyway, I don't like to ask for stuff.)

So I pretty much ragequit Ponychan on Monday. I miss it slightly. I miss being well-regarded and respected by a large community, and I miss posting all my cute Cloudkicker pictures. Some of them were special-made for me as a Christmas present by Tangerine Cookie, who was always nice. I've posted there since March and been kind of a constant fixture of /pony/ ever since, so it's become kind of my favored hangout. I feel slightly lonely without it, I guess.

But... if they're really going to be that pissy and mean, I guess I really don't need or want their respect.

Maybe in a few weeks, I'll stop being so mad about being treated so poorly by the rest of the board, and go back to talking to Bags and Azure and Tangerine and company on Pony After Dark (but nowhere else). Azure, at least, was polite enough to send a genuine apology, and he probably has no idea how much I appreciate that kind of polite gesture.

I'll find a new hangout to babble about my headcanons and stupid worldbuilding theories and other random blather. Feminist_mlp is great; it's a safe and happy community, although I do kind of wish we had our own message board just for off-topic chatter more than once a week XD

(As you can probably tell by my once-again-increasingly-frequent-posting, I like stupid chatter.)

Still, not gonna lie, I do miss having fans and followers just a little bit. I guess it's mostly just connected to wanting to matter; up until everybody on /pony/ blew me off, shouted at me, and were generally horrid towards me (and other allies) for sharing entirely valid concerns over Ditzy Doo's portrayal, I honestly did feel like I mattered and that my opinion could be politely heard and discussed.

So much for polite, friendly discourse over serious subjects.

Maybe next week, I'll pop on the Steam chat and see how everyone from Pony After Dark is doing, since I have the okay, decent people friended on there.

But even after being almost chased off of Ponychan with torches and pitchforks, I've found a better class of company on Feminist_mlp, where they seem to respect each other a lot, and a lot of solace in my ever-wonderful and supportive boyfriend (the man amazes me with his supportiveness and kindness every day ♥ I love him to bits!)

Nutella and strawberry jam sandwiches are AMAZING.

Just thought y'all should know.

I tried one as my midnight snack (technically it was my dinner--I haven't eaten much today) and it was wondrous *___*

Hahaha, I love my LARP games, but sometimes it's like being in school all over again XD I have to do so much research to write my downtime stuff. It's extremely fun, though! I like pretending I'm a wizard on the weekends XD

Skadi's super-fun to play. She's like the dweeby wannabe of the Mage world, and that's kind of unique. All the other Mages in the world are stone-cold badasses with stunning talents. Yeah, not Skadi. She means well, and she's good at research and investigating (she's a library science major). But she's kind of pretentious and speaks in a weird flowery way, because she desperately wants to seem like she's one of the cool kids in the Mage club. However, if she's concentrating on something, she drops the act completely and becomes competent. Also, she dresses like a complete hipster, with a goofy scarf and a fedora and everything.

The selling point I had when I proposed her was "She's in a band, but she sucks at it." Everyone likes that about her, hahahaha XD I told the Storyteller that and he was, like, "SOLD! Write your sheet."

(Her band name changes every time you ask her, and so does what kind of music her band plays, but it's always the same couple of girls. Skadi plays the bass and "sings." Very badly.)

Right, back to work on Grave Times. I had a good pace going last week, but it kind of broke with my fury over the Ditzy Problem.

Now, back to it! It'll make me feel less ragey XD

In somewhat related news, I made up a favorite food for Tessa, and I kind of want to try it for myself now! XD Fried-egg sandwich on sourdough, with aged cheddar cheese, fresh slices of red pepper, spinach, and onions. When I'm rich and can buy food again, I tells ya, I'm gonna eat one of those. I shall also go back to growing my own peppers. Maybe this time they'll come out better XD

Just so everyone knows, I have the sweetest, most understanding boyfriend in the world, and that he is awesome. ♥

Some people would tell me to learn to take a joke or that it's not that serious if I was offended by something, but he's been quite supportive, and that makes me super-happy! ♥

So for the past few days, I've been pretty upset over the portrayal of "Derpy Hooves" on the latest episode of My Little Pony.

It was just overall a bad idea and bizarrely mean-spirited to show her like that, but it rubbed me the wrong way for a few different reasons. One of them is that it's just plain wrong to make fun of disabled people. Period, fuck you, end of story. Respecting and valuing the disabled is simply the right thing to do as a human being.

But there's also a bit of a personal reason behind it.

See, I'm neurotypical, as far as I know. But I do have an inner-ear disorder that strikes me dizzy or off-balance at random points (a lot of the time I don't even get dizzy, I just fuck up walking entirely), and that makes me thump into walls and trip over shit, or sometimes just lose balance and fall over for no apparent reason. Being thrown off-balance by my own head happens a couple of times a day, and has been happening since I was a kid.

When I was in school, from the beginning until the time I graduated, people thought my clumsiness meant that I was developmentally disabled, and would mock me with the "HURR DURR DERP" voice. It really hurt my feelings, and I imagine the kids who actually had Down's and other mental or developmental disabilities REALLY felt like shit after such treatment. And no one should feel that way, ever, period.

That's why "Derpy"s screen-time and her treatment by Rainbow Dash really hurt me. I took it pretty personally.

Fortunately, the fine folks at feminist_mlp wrote to the writer of the episode, who apologizes profusely, so that's good, at least. Makes me feel a little better!

Was pondering a rewrite of my old Sailor Moon fanfic. I've been working on it for ages, mostly worldbuilding and character notes and other framework stuff. But I was mostly thinking how nice it would be to revisit Ian and Morgan after so long (and being in a better, clearer place in my mind). I always liked those two, and I think they could benefit from a better-written story XD

I think some of Ian slipped into Grave Times' Dom, upon reflection. Ian was a grumpy, no-nonsense dude who happened to like cooking as a hobby and wanted to be left alone by all the cosmic-horror nonsense going on, but felt like he had an obligation to fight back. Dom is a grumpy, no-nonsense dude who happens to like cooking as a hobby and wants to be left alone by all the zombie apocalypse nonsense going on, but feels like he has an obligation to fight back. Except Dom is a happy, humble mailman--his wife is a cop, though.

Sometimes I miss the weirdest things about living on my own. Like shopping.

Not shopping for cute dresses or books or anything. Just grocery shopping.

It was always one of my favorite things to do when I lived by myself. I could skip on down to the Safeway or the Albertson's with a fresh pocket full of money and get myself some shampoo and orange juice and bread. I miss tiny pleasures like that most of all. Privacy? Eh, whatever, my parents barely pay attention to me anyway. I just want to go out and buy food for myself.

Derek forgot his wallet when we went out to lunch at one point during my Christmas visit, and I happily volunteered to pay for it, and he seemed kind of puzzled by why I was so happy to pay. I don't get to pay for anything with my own money anymore, so on the rare occasions where I can take care of other people, I guess I do it with some kind of bizarre enthusiasm.

It's something I miss a lot and wish I could experience again soon.

So here's hoping I can get that farmers' market job @_@