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June 2013

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Still plodding along on NaNo. Still hating everything my wretched fingers pound into the word processor.

I can't wait until NaNo is over and I can get back to Grave Times, which I have all the energy in the world for (still!)

I was so enthusiastic for this project, outlined it so thoroughly, then I derailed it in the first chapter @_@ I need more time to work, at my own slow and steady pace, rather than speed-writing absolute bullshit and stressing about wordcounts and daily goals. That's why it's taken me almost four years to get Grave Times to a place where I'm actually satisfied with what I'm doing. I'm a horrible perfectionist and things have to be JUST the way I need them to be, and each story has a different set of requirements.

It reminds me of Meatloaf's Paradise by the Dashboard Light... "And now I'm prayin' for the end of time, so I can end my time with you!" @_@

(I'll go back to the story someday after I stop hating what I've written this month and completely start from scratch.)

This is probably why I was able to thrash out last year's bullcrap so easily. It was a bit of frivolous nonsense about cheerleaders in the apocalypse. I was just doing that for laughs. Though I like the characters in that story, I never meant for it to be serious or close to my heart. I can't do the serious, deeply personal project that I had planned in a month, and I realize that now. (I guess that makes me no better than the Left Behind authors I piss and moan about so much! I feel terrible about that, believe me.)

Maybe I should have gone with my YA project about mummies and girl reporters instead, since that was also fun frivolousness as well.

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